chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
