I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
