i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
