You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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