i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
