I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
