Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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