spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
