I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
