and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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