Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
