drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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