I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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