She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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