so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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