she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
