what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
