At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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