If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
i out mim tonsoeep
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