I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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