make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
