xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
