Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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