so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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