Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
