champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
