hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Randomize
