she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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