i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
