***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
