forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
