1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
