Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
