I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
