My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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