he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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