i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
