you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
