Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
