cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
