I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
