Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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