whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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