we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
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