Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
