my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Randomize
