i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
