I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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