i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
