i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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