If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
